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COMMENT
Boot polish, ego maalish
Feb 12, 2011, 12.00am IST
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. However, power feet can
rejoice. As UP chief minister Mayawati has shown, the feet of the high
and mighty only get five-star treatment. Recently, as she alighted
from a helicopter touring Auraiya, apparently distressed by the sight
of mud on her shoes, personal security officer Padam Singh got down to
duty, whipping out his handkerchief and polishing the dirt off
Madame's footwear. Although howls of protest followed, we say, why
ever not? Far from being demeaning, the sole-ful episode is just right
before Valentine's Day! According to legend, Sir Walter Raleigh
gallantly spread his cape over a puddle for Queen Elizabeth to cross.
Today, Padam Singh has proved that chivalry is far from dead. In
modern-day UP it is in fact down on all fours, prostrate before the
object of its adoration.
There are delightful details to celebrate here. While displaying how
very gentlemanly government servants can be, the incident also
highlights high standards of health. Few other people are so
extraordinarily supine, so seemingly lacking in the restricting
vertebrae of the back, so able to stretch, bend and lie down flat
before power feet. Baba Ramdev and all our Himalayan sages, please
note; daily yoga of this kind can also achieve that desired state of
perfect boneless-ness. With this 'power yoga', some people don't even
need their spinal kundalini to rise, since they don't have one.
But why just congratulate Padam for his devoted kadam? The ability to
achieve a 180-degree posture on the floor before power feet is alive
and kicking across India. Down south, supporters routinely perform
shashthang pranams before their chiefs, undertake pilgrimages for
their welfare, even commit suicide for them. In a delicious 007
mish-mash, this is dying to live another way. But there's something
just so compelling about power feet. Since crowns attract frowns, it's
down to the toesie-woesies to show how mighty their owners are.
How better to express this than a love affair with shoes? The rishta
with jootas can take myriad forms. Imelda Marcos famously possessed
thousands, so quit carping about Mayawati and count the number of PSOs
the Philippines must have needed. George W Bush, champion of Iraqi
freedom, found lots of love sent back to him via a flying shoe, as did
recently that diehard supporter of democracy, Pervez Musharraf. It
really is time for Manolo Blahnik, Salvatore Ferragamo and all the
uptown mochis to brave the heat and dust and fly to Lucknow. Just
imagine how much free publicity they'd get the next time Madame's PSO
feels duty calling. With TV shows, editorials and reportage covering
such devotion, they'd hit pay dirt. And it will certainly happen
again. If the shoe fits, people will clean it. And pray while doing so
that they may just escape the boot.
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